Parenting

Mystig Meg & Turtle Heads

I swear my daughters have a sixth sense, it doesn’t matter where I hide, they always find me. Why am I hiding? Well some days, I just want to eat my Maltesers in peace. The other day, I heard Gigi’s approaching footsteps so ducked behind the kitchen counter “mummy?” (Inquisitive) “mummy?” (enraged) “MUUUMMMY?” (Distraught) “Where aaaareeeee you?” (Crying & distraught)
Just like that- from 0-100 in a nano-second. I did what any mother would do, I stayed hiding to finish my Maltesers then popped up “aha, you found me”
I don’t think she bought it. She could smell the chocolate. She was livid.

Then Kaia, well that girl must be lying in her cot like Mystic Meg, I hold my breath & creep across the bedroom like a mouse (a malnourished one) before I’ve even touched the door handle, her eyes snap open & her head swivels. I mean what the fuck is this all about? I don’t remember anyone informing me about babies having psychic powers. It’s not fair. They already have too many other advantages.

They decide:

1) When to let us sleep (strap in fucker, tonight I’m going to watch Peppa Pig all night, just because I can- deal with it),
2) When to let us eat (the minute you take a bite, one screams blue murder, the other sticks her greasy little fingers straight into the centre of your sandwich then casually starts feeding the floor) Cheers
3) When to let us hold a conversation (you think they’re playing nicely, yet the minute your friend picks up, you sound like you’re at an all night rave & one has decided you’re going to be a human trampoline), and this is by far the worst one
4) When to allow you to go to the toilet.

I think next time Kaia wants something, I’m going to try screaming intermittently (really loudly) every time she goes to grab her favourite toy. Well….I told a slight white lie there, we all know second babies don’t have anything favourite. They’re lucky if they’re allowed to hold a soggy raisin box, but when they do you’ll still question in a slightly excited manic voice with a huge false smile on your face. “What have you got darling? A raisin box? Clever girrrrlllll” Poor bugger just looks at it and claps.

Anyway, you catch my drift, I just want to decide when I can have a wee wee & where at all possible to avoid turtle heads.

Those are my Sunday thoughts.

Happy Sunday. The Exhausted Mum ☺